before i start rambling all my thoughts and what not here, let me just talk about night cycling!

it was sort of a halloween theme event since it was on friday night-saturday morning.
but overall it was just the experience of overnight cycling which made me wanna join.
partnered with athena and was fortunate that she took the front and i took the back -- because i totally suck at handling directions ):
anyhow, it was a nice experience, but beware of the BUTT pains you'll get after.
it's not even aches, it just hurts like hell.
started from hall...to labrador park, then to lao pa sat followed by sempang (?) bedok and ended at east coast park.
nth much to talk about it actually cos you have to be there and experience it yourself to understand.
haha.

and for that, i've to stay in hall over the weekend again.
because it didn't make sense for me to go home just to sleep the whole day + having to rush through doing my laundry + catching dad on his way home + rushing back to hall on sunday night for mtg.
so to make things easier, decided to just stay in hall for the second weekend.
well, consolation was that i skyped with my parents just now so i wouldn't miss home that bad?
i mean i can get through not being at home, but i just have this feeling in me that i don't like leaving my parents at home while i'm in hall you know...don't know how to describe that feeling but yeah.
which also made me think twice about continuing my stay in hall.
on one hand, it's the home and financial part.
on the other, i feel that i'm too attached to hall and the fact that i already have so many committments in hall that it's rather difficult for me not to continue on my stay.
plus the fact that all my uni friends are from hall, other than my tutorial group friends, which will make my life rather pathetic in school.
but yet, i'm afraid that i won't be able to cope with my studies as well, as seen from my horrifying mid term results.
i don't know.

and then there are the relationship issues that my friends are gg thru and i'm trying to help them along with.
it's amazing how all these issues flood in at the same time though.
and somehow these just affects my thinking as well, as in like it makes me think more.
judging by the consecutive days of HTHT sessions i've had in hall and over msn, most ppl agree that i think alot too.
wouldn't know if that's a good or bad thing though.

oh wells, finals are drawing nearer.
just hope that i'll be able to get through with it and do well enough for what i aim to achieve.
haiz.
jiayou ppl!
miss you all too!

decided to have a quick post before heading off for dinner with the nydb girls team!
finally gg to meet them since i haven't seen them in a long long while, other than farhanah and dina who i'll see during soci lectures, haha.

anyhow, been feeling really..emo-ish lately.
i don't currently have the right word to describe what i'm feeling, but it's not like those depressed emo kinda thing if you get what i mean.
i think it's more towards the relationships issue.
not that i'm having any issues with it.
but the sudden influx of those issues my friends are having and are letting me know makes me think abt it too...
well, i'm glad that they do actually talk to me about it cos it shows that they trust me, but i feel rather useless since i've not been through one and wouldn't know how to help them either.
all i can do is to provide emotional support and give the most constructive/ideal advice i can think of.
but it just brings me back to the fat and ugly issue i've been battling all my life.
i just feel that i will never be able to get over these issues because i simply can't.
forget abt positive thinking because it never lasts, i've tried.
and when you're in FASS and stay in hall and start seeing all the other girls, it's even more demoralizing.
been trying to keep myself more active, but to even find time to sleep is a luxury..so other than the sports i'm joining, there's really nothing much i can do about it.
dieting doesn't really help but i'm still watching over what i'm consuming.
at least for now, i'm able to control my lunch meals more or less.

is it me or suddenly everyone around me is just into relps now?
i realised that there's always a certain period of time in a year where all my friends will face similar issues and they all come flooding in tgt, so it's kinda scary.
but come to think about it, i shouldn't even be emo-ing right now since final terms are in less than a month's time and i haven't gotten down to revision yet.
plus the fact that my mids are officially screwed up, all the more i've to work uberly hard for finals.
just that everytime it's near the exams, these issues start popping up.
every year it happens, this year isn't an exception.
sometimes i wonder if it's due to stress that makes me think too much.
or maybe it's the lack of sleep.
i don't know.

haiz.
just live and let live.
shall just try hard to continue keeping it within myself, since making others emo with me isn't exactly a good thing to do, right?
(:

ok, i don't i'm really feeling that stressed yet.
but i just feel that i'm not coping well with everything.
and i'm afraid that i can't meet up to expectations that everyone else has of me.
like what if i fail and disappoint them?

i've so much to catch up this weekend and yet i'm still idling my time away here, but i guess i just gotta let it out first.

just finished my south asia term assg after working on it the whole day.
feel some sense of achievement, and hopefully i'll do well for it,
for at least one of my term papers/tests.

been 3 papers down, 2 more to go, 2 more weeks to endure.
but while i'm revising, i'm lagging for the current lectures again.
just when i managed to use recess week to catch up with everything, e-learning week got me down again.
to me, it's a double-edged sword.
it's good cos i get to replay when i missed any points in lecture,
but the problem will be that i'll always have something else that i'll give priority to when i don't have to attend the lecture itself.
catch up catch up catch up.
i feel like i'm running a never-ending marathon.
but i must persevere!

friday night was good, meeting up with the gossip session again, haha.
something really shocked me, but since it's not a really good thing, i shan't say it here.
but overall, i'm glad just to break out of the cycle of uni, hall and home.
well, at least i know that i'm not the only one not coping really well with uni, but it's kinda scary to know that too.
since all our seniors did tell us that if we could survive A's, uni should be fine.
and look what's happening to us!
hopefully we didn't scare eunice and vivienne abt uni from our ramblings, heh.

and seriously, i'm having sushi every weekend i'm back.
i don't know if it's a good thing or bad.
but next weekend, i'm definitely not having that anymore.
not that i'm sick of it already, but i don't want it to happen either!

tracking back a little more.
thursday night was..an eye-opener and an experience for me.
as you already know, i suck at public speaking.
and for swoc rally, we all had to have this 2min speech and q&a session.
i didn't think i did well, but fortunately for the support of my close friends and blockmates and everyone else nice enough to vote for me, i managed to pull through!
yay!
didn't get the secretary position i wanted, but cos i didn't wanna have a conflict with jiaxin, decided to let her have it and go for treasurer instead.
and when everyone told me that i should have fought for it, ...i didn't know what to say.
you can say i sort of regret not fighting for it, partly cos i'm very scared of the responsibilities of treasurer and that i can't meet up to the standards.
but mainly i was thinking whether it's my weakness.
but you know, it's always better to have everyone happy right, rather than having conflict and having to de-conflict?
i don't know, i shall learn...slowly.

and volleyball before swoc was good.
good in the sense that i really feel worked out.
which explains the muscle aches.
but i find that i really can't control the vball well.
gotta train train train hard!

can't really rmb the rest of the week.
but everything flew by really quickly.
time is never enough, ain't it?
alright. back to mugging now.

to all:
i know it's a stressful period now till end of the year but hang in there yeah!
we shall all work hard tgt and celebrate during dec hols (:
take care and don't fall sick!

love ya'll :D

well, just the subject title should say it all.
there're many things to be happy about this weekend.
and let's begin with the biggest -- F1

F1
Lewis Hamilton won the Singapore GP 2009!
yayness, was totally elated but couldn't spread the joy since ppl all around me aren't really interested in F1, which is quite sad to know.
and the fact that the only one i know who's into F1 isn't a Hamilton supporter, oh wells.
at least it totally perked me up from the whole week of mugging! (:
and it really was good strategy and driving from the McLauren team and Hamilton.
didn't regret spending those hours in front of the tv watching the practice sessions, qualifying and the GP itself.
last year's was filled so much more drama, and safety cars and accidents, but this year's one was still great to watch.
next one coming up will be Japan next weekend, whoo!
finally something to look forward to other than studies all the time, heh.

finger sprain recovering
for the first few days, i was really worried that it wouldn't recover in time for me to write properly for mids. and i've a paper tml actually, which made it even more worried. so it got me all frustrating, jumpy and moody the entire half week since i got that sprain. plus the fact that the doc told me that it could months or even years for it to recover fully totally freaked me out. up till today, i still can't bend it or straighten it fully but at least i can write, thank god. and another interesting fact is that i can finally swallow the tablets/pills now. laugh all you want but for a period of time, i couldn't swallow it no matter what, but now i'm normal again, hahaha. (:

studies
for once, i'm feeling like i'm beginning to understand what i'm studying.
because since sch started, i've not been understanding what i'm studying at all.
but now with better knowledge, it makes studying much easier to get through.
though i still have much to catch up, it's heartening to know that i'm really learning stuff (:

SEP
that's student exchange program in short.
was just randomly talking about it with my mum this morning because i had already partly given up that sep dream because the expenses are so high. but what i heard from my mum really...touches my heart.
first, she said why not? because she wanted me to really experience the different culture and learning environment, plus the fact that i haven't sat in a plane before or ever went overseas myself before, she felt that she should support me in this.
super sweet and touching right!
and she said i could go to australia, melbourne because at least i've relatives there.
it isn't my ideal destination but it's still alright, better than...erm other countries that i would rather not go, but shan't say it here cos it's not very nice.
and that'll mean that i'll still get to learn a different culture and might even get the opportunity to meet ll there, prolly need to travel for a long period of time or sth but i could still try? :D
so now i'm really hyped up and excited about it. shall start gathering info from tml, after my nm paper.

switching faculty
at first, i apprehended talking about this with my mum cos i was afraid that she'll talk about my indecisiveness and how i didn't plan properly. but i was shocked but glad that she said that she'll support my decision if i really wanted to. but i still don't know what to do. but i guess i'll just do a minor in what i wanted to do and see how it goes. afterall, even if i'm studying what i really wanted, i might not end up doing what i studied. so it doesn't really matter if i just minor-ed in it and continue in arts right?
i'm just worried that i still don't really know how to study for arts since i'm more of a math person, like where you give me formula, i'll work it out and get a direct answer. where it's not like dubious in the sense that there's no right or wrong answer but it just matters on how you argue for your stand.
alright i'll admit that i loved the argumentative essays for gp, but currently when i'm not knowledgeable in the subjects i'm studying -- european history, south asia studies, sociology, communications and new media -- it's difficult coming up with good points and arguments to support my stand, i think you get my drift.
so for now, i'm still hoping that i'll be able to cope well because my plan is to see how my results fare for this sem before deciding on what to major in, although i would really love either econs or new media. both of which are really competitive and difficult to score really well, esp for econs. so whether to change faculty is still an option.
but i'll see how it goes for now. need to understand more about changing faculty also.

volleyball
another thing to be happy about is that i got into volleyball!
was totally not expecting it because i felt that i've ruined my chances during trials when i sucked during the final game.
it seemed like i was totally redundant for that game, and whenever they tried to set the ball to me, i couldn't hit it properly.
and the fact that my serving skills still suck.
so i'm really elated that i managed to get this opportunity to train and learn this sport, yay!
first training this thur, so it's another thing to look forward to this week


on the other hand, though i'm a little afraid that i might not be able to cope with SMB's (sports management board) writer expectation, the happiness in me is currently keeping this fear at bay.
but i just hope i won't screw up the entire thing.
because i did say that i could write.
but now, i'm not really sure about that anymore.
but i'll try and we'll see.
should always try to remain positive and optimistic!

ok, shall wrap up now.
few hours left for sleep before lessons and mids tml.
jiayou and all the best to all whether you're having exams, attachments or whatsoever thing you have.
haven't been able to keep in contact with most (i'm a loner lah, haha), so don't really know what's up with everyone nowadays.
but JIAYOU!
stay happy ppl!
:D

Rag day 080809


IBG

well, if you do read this blog, you would have realised that i haven't blogged for quite some time because i've been very busy lately ):
but anyhow, just some random memory flashbacks of rag 09/10 and yeah, it was a good time.
basically, i haven't had time to blog much because there was IBG, interblock games.
for the past week, we've all been going down to the SRC (sports and recreational centre) to play all the different games and i finally got the chance to be active again, playing softball, bball, netball and vball. the clinics for the different sports also made me want to join all of them although i know that i can't because i won't be able to cope..
what i found rather interesting was handball, even though our block didn't get to play in ibg, maybe i'll go the trials for ihg, just for fun.

and today's games were really fun i must say.
touch rugby and softball finals.
our block managed to play quite well but i had to stop early cos i think i landed on the wrong footing and my ankle area hurts.
from what janice told me, it was some kind of tendon stretch.
so after icing it for awhile, and seeing that softball finals was sort of 'over', cos we were all playing just for fun since the winner was already out, decided to play softball for awhile too.
guess the ankle's alright, just that it hurts a little now..

then block a had a mini pizza party for whoever's staying in hall today -- since it's a saturday and most of the time, the locals all go home. so we took this opportunity ti have this spontaneous pizza party thingy, haha. turned out quite well i guess (:

--

i'm sort of in a dilemma right now because there are so many sports and committees that i wanna join and try but yet i know i would have to balance studies and hall activities really well, which apparently i'm not very good at handling.
but on the other hand, then it makes me wonder what's the use of staying in hall in the first place.
like other than for convenience, hall activities are what makes hall fun and what i want to experience before i won't be able to stay in hall anymore, although i would greatly hope that won't be the case.

but oh wells.
we'll see how it all goes.
meanwhile, i've got to catch up on some readings now.
(: